It's a Great Day for Baseball


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Thursday, July 15, 2004

This is my 201st post. I'm proud of this fact. If 201 were the number of $100 bills in my pocket, I'd have $20,100. Unfortunately, this is not the case. But hey, with my recent accomodation of a Walmart Foundation Scholarship!, I'm on the fast track to riches. Paris Hilton, watch out. I have Walmart on my side.

If I had 201 peach trees in Northern California, I'd have a nice little orchard and probably a cool green tractor. I guess the only way I could do that would be to move up to my uncle's house because he has more than 201 peach trees and a couple green tractors and really big German Shepherds, too. And a Ford F-350. No, wait. That's my other uncle's. Well, they both live in the same really small town, a town with a high population of Indians and quite a few orchards. Half of me would fit right in. I wish I saw my cousins more often.

The army has more than 201 job opportunities to offer our nation's fine young people. I know this because some creepy Army recruiter came to my door today and kept trying to woo me with certain enslavement for the Man. When I told him I was majoring in theatre, he started talking about how great the USO shows are and how I could be a part of them. He also asked me if I had a back-up plan for my life in case "something terrible goes wrong" and I couldn't go to NYU anymore. Surprisingly, I don't. You'd think I would, since I'm relatively poor and all, but nope. Which gets me thinking. What would I do?

I guess if my scholarship fails to provide financial stability and I never get a job, I can just move to California and pack peaches for awhile. Maybe I'll write a book and it will sell millions. And I'll start a scholarship in my name called the "Hey, If The Army Is The Only Way You Can Pay For College, Here's A Couple Thousand Dollars" Scholarship.

Incidentally, if anyone feels like burning anything, I have a couple "Army of One" pamphlets that look relatively flammable.

I'm really bored. Happy 201st post.

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